I never thought it would come to this
Please know, I didn’t come to this decision without giving it a lot of thought.
And it’s not you, it’s me. After all, you always made yourself available, night or day— 24/7.
I’m an all-or-nothing person. And ever since I’ve known you, I haven’t been able to think of anything else. And believe me, I tried.
I once got up in the morning, and didn’t even run to you till at least 8:00 am, and that was something for me.
And sometimes, I’d put off even necessary things to spend time with you. Like going to the bathroom.
I’ll just visit for a few minutes, I lied to myself, running to you.
I danced around and around till I nearly had an accident. And I wish I could tell you it only happened once, but I can’t.
And whenever I got a phone call. I secretly hoped the caller couldn’t hear the clicking of my keyboard as I was carried away leaving a comment, or putting out a post. And don’t even get me started on how much fun I had when I realized I could scroll around at will.
I had this fear of missing out, FOMO, my counselor called it. And she said she never saw such a bad case. And I’m not just saying that.
I was convinced that the moment I didn’t check in with you, I would definitely regret it. Maybe for the rest of my life.
I hope you know it’s not that I don’t care about you. You know I do. But it’s all just too much. Even when we’re not together, I can’t stop thinking about you.
And when I have a chance to leave my office and go somewhere, my first concern is always, will you be able to reach me? It’s like I don’t have a life apart from you.
I’m not sleeping well, I hardly stop to eat. This is totally consuming me.
I know we haven’t been together that long, but from the very start, we clicked. I just felt drawn to you, like you could be whatever I needed. And you were. That and so much more.
No one ever made my heart race like you did. Every time I got a tweet, every time I saw a thumbs up, or dare I say it, a heart. Sigh.
Then not long ago, I got sick. And I mean the kind of sick where all I could do was stay in bed. I had no energy, no strength at all, and what’s worse, no laptop. So seeing you was out. Not till I got stronger anyway.
We had no communication whatsoever.
Then when I started feeling better, I realized I did have a life apart from you. I could wake up in the morning and go through my day without even so much as a glance in your direction.
Sure, it felt a little shaky at first. I felt somewhat disconnected. And yes, I worried a little. But I also discovered something right under my very nose.
There are actually other people in my house. Honest to goodness, living, breathing people. People I don’t need to see on a screen. People who know me, through and through.
And not only can I see these people, I can hear them too. They have emotions, real ones they show me. Actual tears on their faces. Real faces, not little yellow ones.
I ended up having a genuine conversation with one of those people, my daughter. And can I just tell you this? It felt wonderful. It was a conversation where we spoke face to face. She talked and I listened. Then, I talked and she listened. It was amazing.
I discovered while I was spending so much time with you, I was missing out on time with her.
You probably think this is all very sudden, but believe me it’s not. It was just a matter of time.
But don’t worry, you’re gonna be just fine. There are a lot of people out there who want what we had. Who are dying for it. And who would give anything to have it.
I hope we can still be friends. I’m serious. I hope I can drop by now and then, and maybe give you an instant message.
You have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you.
And just so you know, I will miss your smiling face. It is forever embedded in the hard drive of my mind.
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Dear Social Media, I think we need a break was originally published in Thrive Global on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.