How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated

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Sometimes moving on from an “almost” relationship is hardest

Nowadays, in the era of rapid-fire non-relationships and casual half-encounters, more and more people are complaining of the slew of non-starter potential partners who, maybe, in their eyes, held potential, but then peter out and fail to evolve.

And it hangs on people. Because, “it could’ve been something, but ‘now you’ll never know.’” And sometimes that web of “what if’s?” can haunt you.

It was almost and then it wasn’t

You had the beginnings of something in your hands, felt its texture as real as the roughness of his face in your palm, and then felt it slip through your fingertips, an amorphous shape you couldn’t hold.

He almost texted you enough. He almost reached out to you enough. He almost cared enough.

He almost liked you enough.

Maybe you would have met his friends. Maybe he would have introduced you to his parents. Or maybe he did, maybe they even liked you. Maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe he would have called you his girlfriend and taken you out on dates. Maybe he would have made this thing real, and committed to something that looked more like “forever.”


What hurts the most is only having your half

It hurts knowing that you weren’t on the same page, or wondering if there was any point you were.

What hurts is investing and loving and then sitting with the embarrassment of trying; of realizing that you misread every single thing he said and did when he was around you, and then have to accept everything he didn’t do when you wanted him to.

You wanted to believe that he liked you; that he wanted you; that this could be it. You thought he felt the same thing during that first long goodbye hug;those infrequent good morning texts. You wanted it to all mean something — to him as much as it did to you.

You thought he cared about you. At least as much as you cared about him.

But your half of reality wasn’t reality.

He didn’t see your situation the same way that you saw it. He never intended to commit.

To him, you were an almost. The girl who was almost good enough.

And now all you have is a shadow of almost

And shadows are hard because there’s nothing to grasp.

Here’s how to move on…

First of all: you are entitled to your feelings

You are entitled to feel hopeful.

You are entitled to want it to be something.

And you are entitled to think it could be.

You are entitled to invest your care, your attention, your time in something you want.

You are entitled to fall for them even if they don’t fall for you. You do not need to base your emotions on theirs!

You are even entitled to misread the signals. (You are entitled to make mistakes.)

You are human, across all fronts.

Even though your almost relationship never developed into an official relationship, those moments are valid.

You still shared something that mattered, however fleeting.

It was still real. And you still matter regardless.

Second: refocus on self love

Refocus on yourself.

If you are focused on yourself and deeply understand your worth, someone else’s opinion of you (and whether or not they want you in your life) won’t rock your world.

Beyond that, you will automatically filter for people who align with your viewpoints. You will attract people who share your value of you. And when you dump your feelings in them, they will dump their feelings on you in return.

How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated was originally published in P.S. I Love You on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.


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